The Miami Marlins made some serious headlines in the off-season when they lured in the biggest asterisk on the face of the earth, (actually Alex Rodriguez might take that crown) you may know him as Mr. Barry Bee Boppin Bonds. The man with the biggest melon in the history of the game has made the Marlins into one of the best hitting teams in the Majors. The team currently sports the 6th best team batting average in baseball, sitting at a healthy .269 clip (going into play 6/15). Bonds is the man in charge, he is currently employed as the teams hitting coach and most people didn't think he would have the patience to handle the peons he is in charge of, or a 162 game season, but so far so good. The Marlins are also over .500 with a 34-31 record. Unfortunately, Marlins man is the only Marlin fan on the planet, and we all know the Miami sports fan base can only arrive to games if they are 2 hours fashionably late and their team is playing in the championship. This is more about the man himself.
I was always a huge fan of Bonds' batting stance and how much of a grade A asshole he was to all the media and the public. He was exactly what you wouldn't want your kids to emulate as a role model and that is exactly why I liked him! I miss his tense interview sessions where he made the media clench up like an anus holding in a fart. The guys in the game are too soft now, we need more assholes out there! You can say what you want about Barry, but the man's swing was as pure as gold and his soul was as black as the night sky. That's what made him such an enduring man, he had pitchers shitting their pants every time they saw him step to the plate. He clearly resonates with his young Marlins hitters by enforcing brute intimidation, "Hey Martin Prado (Marlins third basemen), if you don't get a hit in this at bat I am going to bang your wife." Or he can also show a softer side, "Hey Christian Yelich, (Marlins center fielder) I'm going to bully the HECK out of you if you don't get this bunt down!" (Flashes a wry smile and blows a kiss his way) I think Barry Bonds should go into the Hall of Fame, but for his punishment of steroid use he can't have a bust, instead, a simple hypodermic needle with his name inscribed in it, taped to a piece of loose leaf paper is how he will go in.
I was always a huge fan of Bonds' batting stance and how much of a grade A asshole he was to all the media and the public. He was exactly what you wouldn't want your kids to emulate as a role model and that is exactly why I liked him! I miss his tense interview sessions where he made the media clench up like an anus holding in a fart. The guys in the game are too soft now, we need more assholes out there! You can say what you want about Barry, but the man's swing was as pure as gold and his soul was as black as the night sky. That's what made him such an enduring man, he had pitchers shitting their pants every time they saw him step to the plate. He clearly resonates with his young Marlins hitters by enforcing brute intimidation, "Hey Martin Prado (Marlins third basemen), if you don't get a hit in this at bat I am going to bang your wife." Or he can also show a softer side, "Hey Christian Yelich, (Marlins center fielder) I'm going to bully the HECK out of you if you don't get this bunt down!" (Flashes a wry smile and blows a kiss his way) I think Barry Bonds should go into the Hall of Fame, but for his punishment of steroid use he can't have a bust, instead, a simple hypodermic needle with his name inscribed in it, taped to a piece of loose leaf paper is how he will go in.